Unconventional Classrooms: The Kitchen Sink
I was raised in a house with a dishwasher. I was only introduced to hand-washing my dishes while living away from home. Now, before you go judging me for having it easy, finish reading the damn article! Furthermore, if you think I’m bringing up a trivial topic, consider the following:
- What’s your hand-washing technique? Do you have one?
- Gloves or no gloves?
- Scalding hot water for sanitation, or mild temperature for your soft, tender hands (assuming you’ve answered ‘no’ to the previous question)?
- Stack them neatly to dry or create your own version of Clean Dish Jenga for when you need to get at your fave coffee cup in the morning (guilty as charged)?
- Put the dishes away when they’re dry or leave them in the drying rack?
- Brush, scrubber or rag?
- Brand of soap? Do you care?
- Which items do you wash first?
- Dirty dishes in the sink or out?
- AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: How often do you use dishwashing as the perfect time to start an argument with your significant other because a) this way you don’t have to look him/ her directly in the face while debating the hot topic & b) you already sufficiently armed if a fight breaks out?
Now do you see the complexities of this topic. On that note, let’s dig deeper into this whole hand-washing biz. I spend almost 5 years in Cuba. During that time, I was fortunate to date a few of los cubanos (fortunate because ‘tough love’ tells me they were valuable life experiences). So there I was, spending copious amounts of time with Cubans (although not as much as I should have with one of them, because he was busy cheating on me and getting another girl prego- more on that one later). I digress. The interesting things about this was that everyone had their own way to wash dishes. For some reason, I became very attentive to the ways in which people carried out this supposedly mundane activity. For me, it was a sink full of soapy water, following by a rinse in a sink-full of less soapy water. My cubanito, however, would pour soap onto the scrubber, then he would wet it slightly, scrub all of the dishes and keep them in one sink, soapy and ready for a good rinse. Afterwards, he would rinse them off with running water and place them stacked neatly to dry. The only part I resisted was the ‘stacked neatly’. In general, the washing techniques were based around using as little dish soap as possible (that shits not cheap, ay?). In fact in Cuba, they rarely had liquid dish soap but rather this old school laundry detergent powder, which left a film on the dishes if you didn’t wash it off well. Maybe it was double functioning as an internal cleanse when you then ate off those plates. I had another friend from England who would just wash the dish with a sink of soapy water and then let them dry. Obviously less concerned about ingesting dish soap than los cubanos were. What I realized is that this is a very subjective process. In all of this questioning and observing, the truth about life that I realized is:
1. If Your Reason For Doing Something Is “Because That’s How I’ve Always Done It,” Maybe There’s A Better Way To Do It.
Nowadays, when we have ample opportunities to interact with others who can change out thoughts, ways and even beliefs. It doesn’t usually feel good, and often we get defensive of our ideas. I suggest, to at least have a discussion about it. I think it’s a healthy way to self-improvement and/ or at the very least, learning to share your perspective, and listen to others’.
But this whole washing-by-hand thing came to my attention way before Cuba, when I lived with other people during university. In particular, I remember the period of living with my friend who was very different from me on many levels, one of those being that she was quite OCD about germs. No hard feelings her. Just straight up polar opposite to my laissez-faire mentality towards germs. Side: I am thankful for being raised to not shy away from germs. I believe it has given me an incredibly strong immune system. I am definitely an advocate for exposing young children to germs. Alas, there we are, both standing in front of the kitchen sink. I take on dish-duty. I clean the dishes, my way. She stands beside me probably facing the internal struggle of deciding whether to say something or keep her complete and utter disgust at my washing technique to herself. I’m oblivious. She says to me, “Wow, you really do the dishes fast!” I am charmed by her compliment. “Thanks, yeah I’m really about efficiency with these kinds of things. Unfortunately, I missed was what she was actually trying to say: “Bitch please, you left about 10,000,000 germs on that plate alone! How can you morally justify rinsing the dishes in the same water you washed them in? Are you mad!” Living with my dear friend, who was oh-so-patient with me during that time of living together (thank God for her sake it was only 6 months), has led me to my first realization:
2. Sometimes When You Say Something Doesn’t Bother You, What You’re Actually Saying Is, “I’m Too Lazy To Care.”
This took a lot of introspection and self-awareness to finally realize but I got there. I see a lot of grey areas when you have to decide when something is ‘not important’ to you, or when you’re just being lazy. What I realized is that germs on plates don’t stress me out. Okay, cool. But, I also have a tendency to leave things dirty just because it takes too much effort to get it clean.
Same thing when it come to washing clothes by hand. First of all, washing clothes by hand seems treacherous in its own right. Ten minutes just to get a damn stain out? No, thanks. I will just live with the consequences of wearing a white-ish shirt instead of a white one. I developed this mentality early and it naturally became a habit. I then carried it with me for as long as I can remember without awareness or recognition.
However, recently I’ve come to the realization that in truth, it wasn’t that I didn’t care but rather than I was just too damn lazy. Because in fact, it did bother me that my baking sheets still had crusty cookie bits on it that would just get caked on the next time I used them and it did bother me that I couldn’t keep my white clothes white. I have started breaking these habits. It is hard but essentially, I am becoming aware of when my mind resorts to “I don’t care” mode. I then ask myself, “Okay, is this going to be problematic next time I use sed item? Am I basically throwing away a baking/ cooking utensil just by not cleaning it properly? And I just being damn lazy?” Usually my answers are ‘yes.’ This leads me to my final realization:
3. To Get The Results You Want, You Gotta Put In A Little (Or A Lot) Of ‘E’.
‘E’ being effort, of course. I grew up learning and developing what I will call the ‘anti-habit’ of working hard. In other words, I developed habits to skip out on the ‘e’. Until recently, my ambitions and dreams have mostly been predicated on my wish and wanting them to be realities, followed by some financial investment into something related to the dream. Then finally that ‘something’ and I will be sitting side by side in my room and I will be stuck asking myself, “Why haven’t we been successful yet?” Exhibit A: Many years back, I ‘wanted’ to learn the guitar. My dad (bless his heart) bought me a guitar. And then, according to the movies I just needed to dedicate myself to this new passion while some inspirational music plays in the background. It takes all of about a minute on the big screen. Unfortunately, the message got lost in translation. I didn’t know how much I needed to dedicate myself to sed guitar playing, and lost interest after a couple of months. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t grow up a lazy lump on a log. I did pursue a number of things but in hindsight, only until it got pretty tough or time-consuming, and then I usually checked out. So guitar was out, singing was out, well pretty much any musical instrument is out. I decided it wasn’t a huge natural talent of mine (natural talent is a real thing).
Okay so let’s try sports: running (actually something I did pretty well, but kinda seemed lame so I never really wanted to commit), swimming (also did okay but damn that water was always so cold), and then there was wrestling. I actually committed to wrestling for about 6 years. Then I reached university level and thought, nah. Doing a sport as a job, I don’t think so. I don’t look back on these pursuits as failure solely out of laziness, but rather as a combination of laziness and disinterest. Some were truly not for me. Side: I’ve since reinvigorated my passion for running and also working out in the gym and have managed to realize the long-term value in both. So yes, I now put in the ‘e’.
Fast-forward a few years and now I’ve reached entrepreneurship. I’ve been at it for about two years and this is when this effort idea really sunk in. The thing about entrepreneurship that I love and yet slaps me in the face most often is that I am essentially 100% responsible for what I make happen. In fact, this holds true regardless of whether or not you are an ambitious entrepreneur (just read this article about responsibility). So when I don’t put in the ‘e’ there is no one else to blame but myself. In reality, it’s not that I don’t want to put in the effort, it’s that I haven’t built the foundational skills to do so: hard-work, self-discipline, perseverance, etc. It’s kinda like a weight-lifter deciding to run a marathon, lots of skills to build before that happens. Side: I believe this is why we hear so many “rags to riches” stories. These individuals have developed good work habits early on out of necessity.
I say all of this to say to those who find themselves in a similar mindset or struggle of feeling like they aren’t accomplishing things as they had imagined it’s probably because they forgot to visualize the ‘effort’ part. The solution is quite simple (and yet so very difficult). First, find the thing(s) that you feel you want to put the ‘e’ for (this might take a while, so you might as well have fun doing it), and then put in the ‘e’ cause there ain’t no other way. Well, unless of course your parents pay for everything for you, all the time. I suggest putting in the ‘e’.
